Two Week Wait

I’m only beginning the two week wait and I’m already getting impatient. The day I took the trigger shot I had so much hope and excitement. Yesterday I was still feeling pretty damn good. Today, not so much…

Perhaps it was lack of sleep, I keep telling myself. I do get up early in the morning to bring hubby to work and usually only get six hours of sleep. I decided to go back to sleep this morning when I got home and didn’t wake up until almost one in the afternoon! Still felt like crap…

Even though I had “twinges” in my right side which led me to believe I may actually be ovulating, I’ve convinced myself that it didn’t work. I’ve been trying for so long and although I often have moments of hope, deep down I can’t help but believe that it just won’t happen.

Technically the trigger shot finalizes the maturing process of the follicles before forcing the ovary to ovulate which doesn’t happen until around twenty four to thirty six hours. Given I took the shot around 8pm Tuesday, I wouldn’t have ovulated until last night or this morning assuming I don’t ovulate a little later than that…this would also mean that I’m not even technically a day into the two week wait and yet here I am – a mess.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the exact moment the egg became fertilized, there would be some clue that we are in fact pregnant? Some super early immediate symptom not related to PMS or anything other than pregnancy that assured us that we are indeed pregnant.

That isn’t the case…No, we have to wait until we get close to having our period or sometimes even after, that is if she doesn’t rear her ugly head! Then we have to wait an additional few minutes for the stupid line to appear, if it appears. And I’ll tell you, those few minutes pass slower than the two week wait…

You pee on a stick and see the control line appear and for a split second your heart skips a beat because you see a line and secretly hope it’s not the control line, but it is. While you wait your thoughts and emotions are scattered – I’m pregnant, I know it! No, I’m not, I can’t be…Yes, I am, I have to be! Meanwhile you meticulously study the stick, looking for any hint of a line, a shadow of a line, ANYTHING! I think I see something! Nope, just my eyes playing tricks..Is that…no, not yet.

I’ve tried keeping myself busy during this time – doing random meaningless tasks to pass the time but I find myself looking back at the test every ten seconds anyway.

Time is up! We look at the test and pause. For me it has always been blank (aside from the time I had an apparent chemical pregnancy but that’s another story). I’d pick up the test and look at it from every possible angle and in every kind of lighting to see if there is even a hint of a line. Then, while I’m flooded with disappointment and sadness, I’d get angry at the test like the result was its fault and violently toss it into the trash.

The one and only time I did have a positive I remember looking at the test in dismay. I was shocked and surprised but above all, in denial. I took it down to show my husband and it was definitely positive. The excitement came and the joy…oh the joy! Even still, I took another test the next morning and another positive! I can’t describe the elation…

I took pictures of both tests and I couldn’t stop looking at them and each time my heart would swell with so much love and happiness.

So, here I am again…waiting, wanting, needing, and even dreading. I want this so badly that it hurts and it is completely out of my hands. I will wait because I have no choice and then when the time comes, I’ll test with shaking hands – not so good when peeing by the way.

Has it been two weeks yet?

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