Roller Coaster Ride

Now, let’s fast forward to more recent times….

I met Matthew at a friend’s house and we hit it off right away. I knew with all my heart that he was ‘the one’. We got engaged early and after a year of living together, we got married. Immediately we started trying for a family. Months went by and nothing…

My family practitioner couldn’t do much to help and so he sent me to a respected OBGYN. Unfortunately, he was on call during my appointment and so I had to meet with another doctor at his practice.  It was the most horrible experience of my life where a doctor was concerned.

I went through my family history and talked about my PCOS and the struggles I’ve had with weight loss, since I was now back over 200 pounds – 240 pounds to be exact. She flat out told me that she would not help me get pregnant unless I lost weight and that I should strongly consider gastric bypass.

I was thirty years old. I would have had to wait a year before being considered a candidate for the surgery and then would have had to wait over another year before considering having children, if the drastic weight loss didn’t get in the way of conceiving. I was floored!

I went home crying that day thinking that our dream would never come true. That lasted for about a day before I became enraged! How dare she! My body isn’t broken and I know more than a few women much larger than me that have had successful and healthy pregnancies. I immediately called up the OBGYN I was supposed to see that day and booked my next appointment.

What a difference! My doctor said that, while there are complications that can arise with persons overweight and being pregnant, it was no reason for me not to try. I already knew about the increased risk of high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, and preeclampsia and all could be monitored and managed if need be but the increase of risk was not that much greater than any other woman in this world. His plan: start me on Clomid.

Clomid was the cheapest and easiest to start on. I would continue with my Metformin and thanks to Provera to jump start my period, I would begin Clomid on cycle day 3 and end on day 7.

I was warned about the side effects and wow! The hot flashes were INTENSE! I nearly stripped all of my clothes off in the middle of Target one day because I honestly thought that if I didn’t, I was going to die!

Shortly after taking the medicine, I noticed little twinges in my ovaries and I just knew that it was working. I used ovulation tests (not knowing at the time that PCOS could cause false positives) and detected a surge right around the time I was supposed to. My hubby and I did the deed every other day and prayed that it would work… it didn’t. I started my period exactly when I should have. However, I wasn’t discouraged. This was the first time I’ve ever known when my period would start and it actually did! Maybe my body just needs more time to get this right!

Two more cycles went by and on the last one we increased my dose but the result was the same. It ended in a period and then my doctor told me what I didn’t want to hear. He couldn’t help me any further, it was beyond him as a OBGYN and I would have to go to a specialist (which my insurance wouldn’t cover).

Determined, we made the appointment the next day for a week out. It was a tediously long week…

The next hour will be summed up as quickly as possible. Yes, they could help me but no, they wouldn’t because well, basically I’m too fat. I was told to get under 200 pounds before they would help and then we talked about other medication that could help, IUI, and IVF and then I was sent on my way.

I was defeated again. I cried, I screamed and yelled, I laughed at the whole situation. In the end, there was nothing I could do except try my hardest to lose weight which inevitably resulted in me gaining weight instead.

Then a ray of hope! (Don’t you just love this roller coaster ride?!) My husband got into a really good job that would give him benefits that would actually help pay for fertility treatment. The trick was getting through the temporary stage to hired on permanent to receive the benefits. And so the months ticked by until finally it happened.

I was prepared. I knew when his benefits would kick in and so I called three – three I tell you – fertility specialists. Two of them wouldn’t help me because of my weight. At this point I’ve reached my heaviest weight at 275 pounds (thanks to quitting smoking which I had started again because of this stress to begin with). One of the specialists said they would help when I get down to 240 which is exactly the weight I was when I sought help a year ago at the other place that turned me down. This frustrated me beyond belief!

The second wasn’t much help and I didn’t care for the receptionists attitude anyway. Finally the third said they would help up to IUI however, they did have a BMI limit for IVF. Okay, I can deal with that, at least it’s something! Just let me off of this damned roller coaster ride!

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